Bloating, Brain Fog & WTF Is Happening?

Midlife Body Mayhem (and what to do about it)

Let’s be real—midlife doesn’t tiptoe in gently with a cup of tea and a sensible cardigan. It barrels in, kicks off its shoes, messes with your metabolism, fogs up your brain, and dares you to keep functioning like a regular human while everything feels slightly broken and a bit… puffy.

If you’ve recently asked yourself, 'Is this just how it is now?' while staring into the fridge with no memory of why you’re there, congratulations—you’re not losing it, you’re just midlifying.

Here’s what’s really going on—and better yet, what the hell to do about it.

The Bloat Monster

Once upon a time, you could eat bread without needing to unbutton your jeans before the dishwasher finished its cycle. Now? One sniff of a sandwich and your stomach looks three months pregnant. Surprise! That’s your hormones throwing a midlife tantrum.

As oestrogen starts its slow retreat and progesterone tags out like a tired backup dancer, your digestive system gets a bit... sulky. Everything slows down, you retain water, and your once-trusty gut decides to go full diva.

But this isn’t your cue to start a juice cleanse or buy into another expensive 'flat belly' tea. Please. You’re smarter than that—and your body deserves better.

Start by eating enough. I know, radical. But midlife women are often chronically underfed—especially when it comes to protein and fibre. Your gut needs the good stuff to do its job, and your muscles need fuel to keep your metabolism from napping indefinitely. Throw in a little fermented food (hello, kimchi), drink water like it’s rosé at brunch, and ease off the caffeine and booze that bloat you like a pufferfish in a pantsuit.

And move your body. Lifting weights not only makes you stronger and fiercer, it also helps your digestion get moving again. Consider it internal housekeeping—with biceps.

Brain Fog: The Uninvited Guest

Brain fog in midlife is like that one flaky friend who shows up unannounced and makes everything harder than it needs to be. One minute you’re smashing life, the next you’re Googling 'Where did I put my phone?' - on said phone! (Classic!)

This isn’t you going soft. It’s science. Oestrogen plays a big role in brain function—so when it starts ghosting your system, your memory and focus take a hit too. Add crap sleep, unstable blood sugar, and the mental load of midlife to the mix, and it’s a perfect storm of 'I can’t even'.

So how do you get your sparkle back?

Eat meals that aren’t just adult 'lunchables' - those thrown together snacks on the go, (or just because you can't be assed getting creative) like a handful of crackers, some cubes of cheese, or some carrot sticks (if you're feeling really fancy). Build a plate with protein, fibre-rich carbs and healthy fats to keep your brain fed and your mood even.

Get your heart rate up a few times a week—lifting, dancing in your kitchen, or rage-walking while listening to Alanis Morrssette. Movement = blood flow = brain glow.

And sleep. I know, easier said than done when your hormones are turning bedtime into a battlefield. But try screens off an hour before bed, keep your room cool and dark, and wind down with a podcast or magnesium—not doomscrolling.

Small tweaks, big shifts. Promise.

Is This Me Now? Identity Crisis, Party of One

Here’s the part no one warned us about: the emotional whiplash. One minute you’re fine. The next you’re wondering if your career, marriage, and entire life needs a total renovation.

You’re not broken—you’re evolving.

This weird, wonderful transition can feel like a hormonal haunted house, but it’s also your opportunity to rebuild, reclaim, and finally ask: What do I really want now?

Confidence wobbling? Strength training, again, is a damn gift. There’s something revolutionary about lifting heavy things and realising you are also a heavy thing—solid, grounded, and capable. There’s no thigh gap in the world that feels as good as being able to deadlift your own emotional baggage.

And give yourself permission to say no. Say no to people, diets, draining conversations, and expectations that belong to your 25-year-old self. She's not in charge anymore.

Most importantly, find your people. Whether it’s a group chat, a workout buddy, or an online crew that gets you—you don’t have to do this alone. Community is how we get through this without punching anyone in the throat (usually).

Let’s Wrap This Up With Some Love And A Hug

Look, midlife isn’t a punishment. It’s a power move. It’s the moment you stop asking for permission and start showing up as your loud, wild, wobbly, wonderful self. With a little muscle, a lot of fuel, and zero apologies.

You’re not just navigating the mess—you’re flipping it a stiff middle finger and turning it into a movement. And I’m right here in the trenches with you, cheering you on with a kombucha in one hand and a kettlebell in the other.

XO Jane